"Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock."
- John Barrymore
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other."
- Jack Handey
Watching the brewmaster at McMinni's on Monroe washing the windows
in the brewing room when out of nowhere he came out and said:
" My tombstone is going to read 'He wasn't much of a brewer but he could sure do windows!'"
"Well, whenever you do an ATM drive-by after 11pm, is it EVER for a good reason?"
Laziness is the mother of all vice... but, it's a mother and you should respect her! (Spanish popular wisdom)
“One more drink and I’ll be under the host.”
— Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
The genre that thought what rock really needed was month-long bass solos and time signatures Stephen Hawking wouldn’t understand.
Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!
A prose writer gets tired of writing prose, and wants to be a poet. So he begins every line with a capital letter, and keeps on writing prose.
- Samuel McChord Crothers
"Intelligence is alcohol soluble."
- Unknown
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